What to do when it feels impossible
The better someone is at their job, the harder they are to manage. High performers are people who deliver the results that are important to the business. When you’re the person responsible for reporting the results that get delivered, that’s pretty high up on your list of priorities. Sometimes, you reap the harvest of competence, reliability, independent problem-solving, and a reputation of excellence; others, you sow fruitlessly into vines of arrogance, pushback, dismissal of process, and general noncompliance.
High performers who are self-directed, maintain high standards, and intrinsically motivated don’t always align neatly with traditional management structures. They are optimized for outcomes instead of process. Organizations do reward results, but they are built on systems. When you’re balancing training your team for consistency and the corporate expectation of compliance, this becomes tricky. If your team asks “well why doesn’t ______ have to do it that way?” you’re typically discouraged from responses such as “because it works for them and not for you.” Tough.
Most management advice focuses on fixing low performance, though the real challenge can sometimes be the opposite. Many managers derive their work identity around the idea of being needed, but high performers often outperform their managers in key areas. If a direct report is outpacing you, not only can you not hide behind your role, they don’t need you in order to win. For managers who build their foundation on helping others succeed, a lack of dependency can feel like a lack of respect.
This is particularly true if your performer is constantly challenging your strategy or decision-making. They intend to expose weak leadership. Your options are to escalate the situation with conflict, micromanagement, or toxic feedback, or to validate their concerns, maintain decisions through the pressure, and consistently offer the “why” behind the “what”. It takes a fairly healthy leader to do the latter… unfortunately, not everyone lives there.
For one, you need them to keep producing. Their wins compensate for others’ lack of drive or delivery and they usually are aware that they assist in maintaining the status quo. Unless the situation is dire, it’s typically not in your best interest to upset them, lest they stop carrying the bigger portion of the team’s weight – but ask yourself: Is living in fear of losing them worth what you go through trying to maintain control?
This is a lesson every manager learns the hard way. If you’re truly in a toxic cycle with a high performer it’s problematic. You’re afraid of what will happen if they were to leave. How long will that seat stay empty? How long will it increase your workload by compensating? You’re afraid you won’t be able to replace them with someone as good or better. In the end, we almost always learn that peace in team relations is a better outcome than being held hostage. My hope is that we catch it before it gets to this.
High performers aren’t driven solely by praise or standard incentives (and certainly not micromanagement). They’re looking for autonomy, mastery, and a meaningful impact. Start by asking yourself if this is what you’re offering back to them. If the answer is no, try bids for connection in these areas first to see if the dynamic improves. If you’d like to, but aren’t able to due to an unhealthy dynamic, the best advice is still to start with yourself! Dynamics are built by engagement of two or more people.
Let’s reframe some of the negative input into a healthier leadership strategy:
- They reveal your inconsistency → They’re highlighting gaps in strategy. They may be seeing something you don’t.
- They question your decisions → You can provide the why and reset the expectation.
- They act bored or disengaged → You can create an opportunity to pour into a struggling team member.
- There are big wins in this. It’s developmental for them, and it gives them the platform to address the higher standards they want to see from the rest of the team.
- They operate in arrogance → Expose and start coaching to a weakness. No one is perfect.
- They say no (or say yes, but then don’t follow through) → Have a documented conversation, or write them up if you’ve already had more than one. The bottom line is this is insubordination and I will die on that hill.
- If you’re committed to a display of power or authority, this is your opportunity to be consistent. If you back down out of fear, they’re actually the one in control (and they know it).
- They refuse buy-in to what you’re implementing → Make them offer an alternative solution, then have them implement it and manage team consistency.
- Operate on the agreement that if it works, you’ll adopt it. If not, they agree to adjust.
If they’re empowered, they’re more engaged. Are you struggling to gain their respect? Invite their feedback. If you’re lacking in a certain area, listen and acknowledge instead of getting defensive. What you’ll find is they’re motivated by competence. Not a title. You got where you are for a reason too, though. Iron sharpens iron. Take advantage of partnership.
Here’s a bonus tip:
- The relationship doesn’t improve after these 6 changes → LET THEM GO.
- It’s worth it. Try it out and see.
The difficult road is always the road less traveled, and no one will deny that high performers can be a rocky path. Your role as a leader turns from directing work to earning influence. When you have someone truly exceptional on your team, your management style either evolves or becomes irrelevant. Offer direction over control, partnership instead of supervision, and clarity over authority.
Struggling with someone on your team? Head over to my Leadership Consulting page to learn more about working together!