The Hidden Dynamics You’re Pretending Don’t Exist
Think of a meeting you’ve sat through where the room is asking, “What are we going to do about ___ ?” A highly qualified professional on the team offers a thoughtful, intricate solution to this ongoing issue, something you wouldn’t have thought of yourself. It’s innovative. It may take some creative work to implement, but it really has potential to move the needle in the right direction. Just as you think through getting on board, a popular (though perhaps not as clever) employee chimes in with a half-baked plan that parrots the same strategy that’s never worked since you’ve been employed there. The response from the meeting leader is enthusiastic toward this second offering, and it becomes The Plan.™
Or, think of a time when your boss is trying to decide on where to get lunch for the team. The same person, perhaps the boss’s pet, always gets to pick and they always pick the same thing. You can feel the energy of the eyes rolling permeate the room, and yet the decision remains the same. It’s ___, again. (!)
Office politics are how decisions get made. Most of us try to just ignore it, since we feel powerless to do much about it anyway, but that’s what I want to draw your attention to: if you don’t feel you have the power to do anything about it, there’s a power dynamic in play that’s working against you. Acting as though these dynamics don’t exist can soothe feelings in the moment, but ignoring them really doesn’t make you principled. It simply keeps you in a losing position.
We’re taught that power is formal. Titles, money, and physical force are always the first things that come to mind. If we assume power presents itself loudly as one of these extremes, we miss the kind that operates in silence. Unfortunately, in the workplace, a level playing field is a myth. The cultural story we tell ourselves is that “anyone can speak up,” “the best idea wins,” and “we’re all adults here.” This myth is comforting because it lulls us into thinking that we all contribute equally and have similar effects on our environment. On a day-to-day basis the stakes are low. It’s actually a dangerous myth, though, because when tension increases and decisions need to be made, there’s a default pattern already in place. Sometimes believing the myth is in itself a power move. How? It protects those that benefit from the tilt.
What power dynamics often go ignored in a workplace? Here’s a brief list of things you likely have encountered:
- Credibility Gaps – Whose expertise is questioned by default, and whose is automatically assumed?
- Affinity Bias – Who gets the benefit of the doubt, and who has to prove it?
- Default Voices – Who speaks first, most, and last? All of these shape group conclusions.
- Social Debt – The unspoken ledger of favors, alliances, and whose goodwill costs more to lose.
- Aesthetic Power – Who benefits from “pretty privilege”? Presentation, accent, dress, and vocabulary communicate authority, and sometimes dominance, in the room.
Those who can see it may write it off for a million reasons, some of which can be quite arbitrary, and some can be self-deprecating.
“He just wants the boss to like him.”
“Everyone thinks she’s pretty so I guess they think she’s smart too.”
“He agrees with everything she says because she does all his work for him.”
“They just go with what she says because no one else can get a word in edgewise.”
“I don’t need to speak up. I couldn’t think of any better ideas myself.”
“I don’t want to be put in the spotlight. I don’t need to be on anybody’s radar.”
“I don’t want to cause conflict. If they have a solution, that works for me.”
Perhaps those examples are sometimes true, but deeper truth can be just as complex. Often, decisions that are made reflect the path of least resistance. In the opening example, the first employee had a better strategy, but a more difficult implementation. That’s real work and attention. That’s having to get multiple teams and levels of leadership involved. That’s having to advocate for change. No one has time for that. Live out the definition of insanity by doing the same thing over and over again because we know how and what happens as a result? Sure. We can start right away!
These dynamics can be difficult to see because power is most invisible to those it serves. When something works, you repeat it. A repeated strategy becomes a system. If you’re someone the system is benefiting, you actually have a fish-IN-water problem – systems feel like nature if you’ve never been outside of them. You wouldn’t inherently question it, or take the power (that you won’t acknowledge) away from yourself. That would be counterproductive.
There’s also a role that good intentions play. Most of the people maintaining these systems aren’t malicious. If you don’t have something specifically negative to say about them and/or you believe them to mean well, it’s harder to assign blame for contributing to the dynamic. They’re problem solvers, after all.
When you don’t acknowledge or refuse to participate in the power dynamics at play, you jeopardize your own voice. People who contribute positively are people who get promoted, people who get heard, and people who get paid in the most convenient currency. Can you think of someone not playing the game, but burning themselves out trying to compensate in other ways? It’s a risk you run by way of moral superiority. Pretending something doesn’t exist doesn’t make it less of a reality. Go ahead and bop to the music while the meeting starts. Smile and small talk when the big boss comes to visit. It pays more in the long run.
The issue at hand, though, is simply sometimes the dynamics refuse to be named. Drawing attention to them causes an issue. Name one of these reciprocities out loud and listen to yourself be told, “you’re being paranoid,” “you’re being too sensitive,” or “that’s not what this is.” Naming power makes people uncomfortable because it signifies that you have an issue with it. That’s usually interpreted as direct conflict; however, the discomfort is data. It’s almost always an inherent confirmation. Mentioning the pattern puts someone else in a defensive position, and there’s an unspoken expectation that you’ll want them to resolve it, which is usually against their own best interest. It’s easier to gaslight you and ignore it!
It remains important to be able to distinguish interpersonal conflict and structural pattern. One is about personality, and the other is about position. Many people won’t display a ton of patience for this, though, so what can you actually do?
- Notice it before you “fix”. Learn to recognize the moment the dynamic operates. If it makes you emotional, it’s not time to address it.
- Name it without accusation. Find language that surfaces the pattern but doesn’t attack the individuals who participate.
- Redistribute small moments. Speak up if you disagree with something; or, if you’re the person with favor, pass the mic, attribute ideas to coworkers rightfully, or slow down decisions.
- Stop performing neutrality. Choosing not to notice is a choice, and it’s a choice that favors the momentum of the status quo.
There is a caveat that there is only so much an individual can do. Structural problems require structural reform. Participate how you can, leverage favor where you’re able, but don’t beat yourself up for not being able to dismantle the whole department’s flow. If true change is needed and expected, you’re going to need some backup.
These power imbalances persist because acknowledging them is uncomfortable for everyone. If you’re contributing to this in your own workplace, is there a way you can allocate your power to balance the benefit for the team? If you’re refusing, can you acknowledge that participation may make your day a little easier (even if you don’t think it should have to be that way)? If you’re ignoring, can you make the invisible truth more legible? Calling it out isn’t about making anyone feel guilty, but to help make the environment truly more inclusive. You can’t navigate what you can’t see.
Head over to my Leadership Consulting page to learn more about working together!