Discussing Professionalism When It Counts
When I reflect on how I came to define the term “professionalism”, or “being professional” coming of age into the workforce, I really can’t come up with a specific time or interaction where someone explained to me what it was. As a child of the 90s, I grew up in a world where my parents wore suits (or nice “professional” clothes), you were 10 minutes early to an interview, you called to thank someone for interviewing you and to follow up on your application, etc. A lot of these behaviors aren’t necessarily relevant to the average worker anymore and one of the most common complaints about Gen Z in the workplace is that they adhere to no such standards. It begs the question, did no one teach them what it means to be professional, or at least present as such? One thing I know for sure is that if I asked you, and the person sitting next to you, and the person sitting next to them, and so on to define professionalism, you’d all have different answers.
So, when someone isn’t contributing “professionally” to the workplace, how do you approach that discussion? A lot of feedback starts with some version of, essentially, saying, “you’re not being professional.” How do you get the person on the other side to both understand what you mean and value the feedback?
The last time I had to have a direct conversation about professionalism with an employee it was tied to appearance. The employee did actually have a decent-enough wardrobe, so it wasn’t about the outfit choices. What it was unfortunately about was basic hygiene behaviors like brushing their hair and wearing deodorant. Go ahead: name a conversation you’d like to participate in less (I’ll wait).
I had an organic opportunity because this employee was pursuing a promotion. We work in a public and customer-facing role, so it wasn’t just about tolerability to co-workers, but also about presentation of the brand to the public. I’ll be the first to say I dislike the idea of telling a woman she has to wear make-up as a rule; however, I’m also the first to admit that if you value the reputation of the company you work for (not to mention yourself), especially in sales, you need to be seen as credible. A put-together appearance goes miles for how people perceive your approach to your role and your perceived knowledge. It makes a difference whether you like it or not.
If you can’t be bothered to style your hair, wear make-up, iron your clothes, and you STINK, I can’t see how you can make an argument that you value the presentation of the brand. You don’t even value your own! How, then, can you make the argument that I should give you more responsibility within it?
At its deepest core, and from this lens, professionalism can be defined beyond appearance as having the ability to be taken seriously. What makes people take you seriously? What I often find people to truly consider valuable is a person who offers three things: reliability, respect, and good judgement. Maybe a better benchmark for defining professionalism is being able to be consistently trusted with contributing positively to the workplace.
Some of why people struggle to discuss professionalism with subordinates is having a difficult time defining it, but an equal, if not bigger reason is anticipating a negative reaction. The presentation of professionalism is personal. Personal actions and behaviors are usually sensitive topics. What happens if they get mad? The fear of getting lost in something you already have trouble describing is overwhelming at best. It’s much easier to just avoid it and hope the problem goes away; unless, of course, you wait so long that a catastrophic interaction happens in the meantime, and that is much worse.
When you know a conversation is needed, there are a few things you can do to lessen the blow. Here are some basic dos and donts for the discussion.
DON’T: Coach on labels, especially vague ones, like “you’re being unprofessional”.
DO: Name specific behaviors and/or events.
- “During yesterday’s meeting, you interrupted three coworkers and raised your voice when the project changed direction. That behavior isn’t acceptable.”
Make sure you’re discussing observable facts or behaviors, and be sure to be extremely specific when possible. Allude to recent situations as they occur and name patterns instead of isolated incidents. Behaviors are coachable, but labeling character is always seen as an accusation.
DON’T: Use personality, “introversion” or “extroversion”, large-scale sense of humor, or personal style as examples. Those are cop outs. People will always respond poorly to the revocation of a reasonable freedom of expression.
DO: Define professionalism before you critique it.
- Memorize: “Professionalism means consistently behaving in ways that create trust, respect, accountability, and productive collaboration, even when situations are frustrating.”
You’re counting on someone to be reliable and emotionally mature, not robotic.
DON’T: Spend your time focusing on intent. If you get trapped in the “but I didn’t mean it that way” conversation, and all you say is “I know”, you’re cycling through an endless defensive loop.
DO: Spend your time focusing on impact. The reason anyone values professionalism is because behaviors considered “unprofessional” have a negative impact on team-member and/or customer experience.
- Shift perspective by asking questions to increase engagement.
- “How do you think that comment landed?”
- “What impact did that behavior have on the rest of the team?”
- “If you were hearing that as a customer, how would that sound?”
Putting them in the shoes of their impact will typically deconstruct the justification of the behavior.
DON’T: Weaponize the word professional. Do not use it as code for, “I don’t like your _____ (personality, directness, emotional responses, etc).
DO: Explain that an effective leader needs to be able to separate style, preferences, and actual workplace expectations, and explain the “why”.
- People adjust behavior faster when they understand consequences. Explain that the behavior you’re concerned about reduces trust, makes team members less likely to collaborate, introduces friction with customers, and limits leadership opportunities.
Professionalism should never end up as a personality test. People rarely change just because they’re embarrassed, but they might when they know what the behavior costs them.
DON’T: Only leave them with what to stop doing.
DO: Introduce replacement behaviors.
- For example, instead of “stop interrupting,” add, “you can request to pause and ask questions instead.” Or instead of, “stop sending emotional e-mails,” say, “it’s okay to draft the e-mail when you’re frustrated, but please wait at least 2 hours before editing and sending it, or wait overnight if the outcome isn’t urgent.”
Professional development should offer what the successful picture looks like. Giving replacement habits will achieve the desired effect for both you and your coachee much faster.
Remember that professionalism runs at the speed of the leader. Practice the way you want to perform. If you’re rolling your eyes, gossiping afterward, embarrassing people publicly, or losing your temper, you lose all the credibility you’re looking to gain from someone else. Professional behavior should be demonstrated before it’s discussed, and your delivery becomes part of the lesson.
What’s one time a conversation like these above would have benefited you if your leader had taken the time?