Why everyone’s not a manager (and that’s okay)
“How do you feel about your performance this past month?” A great way to start a check-in or one-on-one conversation. You’re inviting engagement, hearing what your employee thinks about what they’re delivering… you’re batting a home run, yes? Right up until you hear something like, “I think I’m ready to lead a team.”
You work to keep a straight face, but the laughter inside is taunting you. You’ve always known they’re not a fit for leadership development for a thousand reasons; in fact, you’ve always been so aware of it that you can’t believe they AREN’T aware of it. There is that new position open, though, and you can’t act otherwise. What do you do?
The hard truth is that management is hard. People pursue it for a lot of reasons, not the least of which is for money, power, or both. It’s difficult to make more money in the long run without taking on the responsibility of others. Plus, being the decision-maker is fun and you have control of the environment. What’s not to love?
Anyone with true tenure as a manager would recognize that this person feels this way because they’ve never actually held a manager role. That is NOT to say that leadership always sucks, but some people are simply better suited to it than others. Here’s another hard truth: not everyone is a manager (and honestly, not every leader is a manager either).
Moving into a management role is still sold as the next step because people ask how they can grow, and it’s usually the answer that (superficially) looks easiest and makes people happiest. Too often though, people are promoted into a management role that’s wildly different to their current skill set simply because they are good at their current, individual job. The ability to lead demands a completely different set of relational skills that are usually unrelated to the current role. If you overextend someone whose relational skills are underdeveloped, it’s a recipe for disaster.
Speaking of underdeveloped skills, a lot of managers looking to avoid the aforementioned conversation unfortunately, much of the time, give feedback that sounds like this:
“You’re just not ready yet.”
“We’ll see.”
“There just aren’t any openings right now.”
Not particularly helpful, and in the latter case not always even true. But better than laughing, right? Maybe, maybe not. A great place to start instead would be to simply ask why.
“Thank you for sharing that with me. What’s making you feel that way?”
“That’s great to know. Has something happened recently to cause this realization?”
You need to know what they’re in it for. You’re not only drawing them toward self-advocacy, but getting the opportunity to hear their motivation. If someone indicates to you that they’re in it for anything other than the love of helping people grow, that is its own red flag. Why? They otherwise won’t sustain their performance or their interest in the role due to the toll managing others inevitably takes. It might also be one of the reasons that you already knew they weren’t ready. Nonetheless, as their own fearless leader you owe them a truthful conversation. This means it goes beyond “I just don’t see it.”
This is where the conversation splits into two categories. Are they displaying any leadership traits? If no, this needs to be addressed first. If yes, we will discuss the difference between leading and managing.
When the answer is no:
Usually, this person has at least one, if not a few issues. Here are some key points to discuss as you recognize them:
- They lead with their own performance, not others’.
- They care most about being the best in the room, not making the room better.
- Feedback is hard for them to give AND receive.
- The cornerstone of management is honest conversation. If they avoid it or escalate it, that’s data.
- They think in tasks, not people.
- They want to manage work, not people with bad days, competing priorities, and emotional needs.
4. They struggle to share credit or stay out of the spotlight.
- Management can require invisibility. Sometimes you push others forward at your own expense.
5. They solve problems instead of developing the person that should be solving the problem.
- Jumping in feels efficient, but it’s actually stunting.
6. Their influence is positional, not relational.
- People follow their instructions, not their lead.
When the answer is yes:
We need to separate leadership and management. “Leadership” is automatically assigned to manager roles (i.e. working in management is recognized as leadership), but managing is something else. What’s the difference?
- Leadership is about direction and influence. Leaders:
- Shape vision (where we’re going)
- Inspire belief and buy-in
- Challenge thinking and raise standards
- Move people internally (motivation, courage, ownership)
They don’t need formal authority to do this. People follow them because they want to, not because they have to.
- Management is about execution and structure. Managers:
- Build systems and processes
- Track performance and accountability
- Make sure deadlines are met
- Handle logistics, resources, and coordination
People report to them. This role comes with responsibility for outcomes, not just influence. Consequently, a great leader might struggle as a manager if they:
- Love big-picture thinking but get drained by the details
- Inspire people but avoid tough accountability conversations
- Create momentum but don’t maintain consistency
- Value autonomy but struggle with enforcing structure
They elevate people… but they don’t always organize them. In short, leaders create movement but managers sustain it. If you haven’t developed both skills, you run the risk of creating two environments.
- A team that feels inspired but disorganized.
- A team that’s efficient but uninspired.
God forbid you promote someone who falls into the “no leadership display” category out of convenience and you end up with uninspired chaos.
* Keep in mind not wired for it and not ready yet are different conversations. Be honest and clear about which you think is most true. *
If your employee isn’t wired for it, steer the conversation toward developing expertise in a specific area of interest. Becoming a subject matter expert creates long-term value for the company and will create opportunity for developmental input as company processes evolve. Focus on performance excellence to upskill.
If your answer is not ready yet, consider the conversation points below:
- Affirm what’s real. Don’t manufacture praise, but acknowledge the full impact of their contribution.
- Name the specific gap, not the general concern. “Here’s what I need to see” is a phrase that goes the distance. Be specific about what a path to leadership actually requires. Don’t move the goal-posts, and name the specific gaps.
- Assign leadership projects that don’t have direct reports. Let them lead cross-functional work, own outcomes, and develop influence.
- Create mentorship or peer coaching opportunities. Let them develop others informally before owning it formally.
- Separate potential from timing. If it’s a development issue, say so. If it’s a fit issue, say so carefully, but honestly. If this isn’t a conversation you’re willing to revisit in a year, I encourage you to re-evaluate which category this really falls into.
- If you’re uncertain on verbiage, this is a valid business reason to proactively partner with HR.
- Invite their perspective. Ask them what they believe management would give them. Often the answer is autonomy, recognition, or money, which can all be addressed differently.
- Make a commitment, not a promise. Tell them what you will do to help, not what will happen.
The kindest thing (not to mention the most responsible thing) a manager can do is tell the truth early. Don’t drag it out and let them fail publicly. People remember who actually helped them understand where they were actually built to thrive!
Head over to my Leadership Consulting page to learn more about working together!